(how come i'm blogging so much when I have exams!!)
There ain't no reason why we live this way, we work our whole lives trying to earn something and to be something, and wear our pay cheques like jewelry. We always carry a weapon with us, be it a bomb, a pin, or a knife. It can even be a sentence, a word, a thought. We build prisons just to fill them all, bombs to drop them all. You can spend your whole lives working for something, to have it taken it away.
I have no reason why we live this way, thats how they've always been, and thats how they will stay, but I know that His love will come set me free.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
Your grace, my calm.
Exams have officially begun.. yay.
Had my first paper today, and spent the hour before the paper at Church for benediction and spent some time praying before the bl. sacrament (down here no ado room one... want to pray before the bl. sacrament must come at a fixed time during the day)... only asking for one thing. Inner peace.
I asked him to take away everything from me... all the nonsense i'm-going-to-fail-my-exams miscellanous thoughts.. all my rubbish ramblings in my brain.. and everyhting that was currently distracting me from God (i.e chocolates, the yellow car, the silly white haired lady, and the occasional activist) .. For the few moments there, I had peace.
I am thankful I had the chance to go and spend time in silent prayer before my exam.. cus i went into my paper feeling rather refreshed and vigourated (so i drew my stratum contours and did my orientation calculations with much vigour!).
And I did it also because i felt compelled to... especially after reading this.
Its abit of a pain to read.. but it talks about one man's pain, and his struggle to regain control over his mind. How he speaks of personal determination, and his own will power.. and a journey of 7 years to overcome schizophrenia.
I am thankful that I have God to be by my side when i go wonky sometimes. I wish that man had God too.
Had my first paper today, and spent the hour before the paper at Church for benediction and spent some time praying before the bl. sacrament (down here no ado room one... want to pray before the bl. sacrament must come at a fixed time during the day)... only asking for one thing. Inner peace.
I asked him to take away everything from me... all the nonsense i'm-going-to-fail-my-exams miscellanous thoughts.. all my rubbish ramblings in my brain.. and everyhting that was currently distracting me from God (i.e chocolates, the yellow car, the silly white haired lady, and the occasional activist) .. For the few moments there, I had peace.
I am thankful I had the chance to go and spend time in silent prayer before my exam.. cus i went into my paper feeling rather refreshed and vigourated (so i drew my stratum contours and did my orientation calculations with much vigour!).
And I did it also because i felt compelled to... especially after reading this.
Its abit of a pain to read.. but it talks about one man's pain, and his struggle to regain control over his mind. How he speaks of personal determination, and his own will power.. and a journey of 7 years to overcome schizophrenia.
I am thankful that I have God to be by my side when i go wonky sometimes. I wish that man had God too.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
life is short
Hello...
Just cam back from a wake.. very sad.. best friend's friend committed suicide. Just 17 years old. Pray for her soul and family. Best friend is going through rough time as well.. places blame on herself.. Haiz.. Please keep my best friend in your prayers too.
On the lighter side, I chanced upon this cool website selling small cards with really great designs on bible verses. Well worth a look!
http://www.honeynmilk.com/showcase/
God bless
Just cam back from a wake.. very sad.. best friend's friend committed suicide. Just 17 years old. Pray for her soul and family. Best friend is going through rough time as well.. places blame on herself.. Haiz.. Please keep my best friend in your prayers too.
On the lighter side, I chanced upon this cool website selling small cards with really great designs on bible verses. Well worth a look!
http://www.honeynmilk.com/showcase/
God bless
Chin up! Better times are ahead!
Hello everyone!
How come so few sharings!? More!!
----
I just had a strange string of bad news.. Things not going well in school, mentally, spiritually, everything lah.. even left my stove on and happily went to work only to panic and call my flatmate to run to the kitchen to help me turn off the stove. what a muppet.
Then I read about Raymond's sharing with Rex band, and Collin's post on divine providence.. I somehow know that there are better days to come.. But yet.. "O thou of little faith, why dost thou doubt!?" says Jesus to Peter when they went pottering about in the water. Why can't I trust Him more?
It may sound like good news to some of you, but I was awfully devastated when I learnt that the British Geological Survey has decided not to hire me for summer. Oh brilliant, 2 months of anticipation, prayers and hope has come to naught. It felt like I had hit a brick wall of faeces and there was no way out. My friend's reaction was a simple: Devo! Trip home for summer!
Well, only if it were that simple.
Even though I hadn't gotten a job with BGS for summer, I am still going to stay here, I've additionally applied for 2 other jobs, one residential(anywhere in the UK), and one near where I live in Plymouth. The reason for such is simple.. I can't afford to come home on my own, and pride has gotten the better of me to be more self-sufficient. I am quite adamant that this is the way that things should be, at least for this summer, and come what may will be my slogan for thereafter.
Everytime I am talking to someone and the topic of summer comes up, and I am forced to say, "oh, i'm not going for summer", a part of me inside dies, and never grows back again.
Its amazing what kind of pain we like to put ourselves through init?
How come so few sharings!? More!!
----
I just had a strange string of bad news.. Things not going well in school, mentally, spiritually, everything lah.. even left my stove on and happily went to work only to panic and call my flatmate to run to the kitchen to help me turn off the stove. what a muppet.
Then I read about Raymond's sharing with Rex band, and Collin's post on divine providence.. I somehow know that there are better days to come.. But yet.. "O thou of little faith, why dost thou doubt!?" says Jesus to Peter when they went pottering about in the water. Why can't I trust Him more?
It may sound like good news to some of you, but I was awfully devastated when I learnt that the British Geological Survey has decided not to hire me for summer. Oh brilliant, 2 months of anticipation, prayers and hope has come to naught. It felt like I had hit a brick wall of faeces and there was no way out. My friend's reaction was a simple: Devo! Trip home for summer!
Well, only if it were that simple.
Even though I hadn't gotten a job with BGS for summer, I am still going to stay here, I've additionally applied for 2 other jobs, one residential(anywhere in the UK), and one near where I live in Plymouth. The reason for such is simple.. I can't afford to come home on my own, and pride has gotten the better of me to be more self-sufficient. I am quite adamant that this is the way that things should be, at least for this summer, and come what may will be my slogan for thereafter.
Everytime I am talking to someone and the topic of summer comes up, and I am forced to say, "oh, i'm not going for summer", a part of me inside dies, and never grows back again.
Its amazing what kind of pain we like to put ourselves through init?
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Leaving it to God
The ideal: John gets out of bed in the morning, goes on his knees, thanks God for the gift of today. He then hands the day back to God, asking God to take it and care for it, and to be with John, and all he does or says throughout the day.
- At nighttime, John goes on his knees again and says, "Thank you."
- And any time during the day, when John got anxious, afraid, flustered, worried, etc, he knew that that meant he was taking that part of the day back from God, and was holding himself responsible for it.
- At nighttime, John goes on his knees again and says, "Thank you."
- And any time during the day, when John got anxious, afraid, flustered, worried, etc, he knew that that meant he was taking that part of the day back from God, and was holding himself responsible for it.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Grace upon grace
I'm sorry have been MIA for so long!
Josh, we all go through how you feel. At least I can say for myself la, I understand what you mean about not being present to people.
My faith life took a turn after the YISS in 2001. From 2001 to 2005, I guess I have been earnestly trying to follow, love and serve the way Jesus instructs us to. There were times when I was doing things sincerely, and there were times when I could be listening to someone but not actually being there. Many times, I do things for the sake of doing them, following my faith not outta of love but blindly following the rules.
Things became worse in 2005 when I felt I did not belong and in a way, I developed a deep sense of loneliness. I admit this loneliness drove me into a rather foolish and impatient decision to be involved with someone in a relationship and really took the toil on both of us because of the numerous emotional baggages I carried. I'm sure some of you have listened to my sobs and cries. Thanks! *hugs* In a way, this is all God's plan. Today I am more open to my weaknesses and my faults and failings. I guess I have learnt to be more human and to love and accept myself. I learn to be thankful for what I have rather than being resentful. Most importantly, I'm learning to be happy, to take things less seriously and to step out of my "I can't do this" or "I can't take this" whinings.
I do slide back into my shell and get sucked into what Shireen once mentioned - the black hole theory. I guess what jolted me was that it's God and God alone who can change and transform a rock solid heart to one that is beating because it's full of love.
Was watching this mime by ICPE. Should show you guys on my comp. I was very touched when this verse was sung.
And it's not by might
Not by power
But by My spirit says the Lord
This is my message today from Galatians Chap 5
'Freedom is what we have - Christ has set us free! Stand, then, as free people, and do not allow yourselves to become slaves again.'
May we pray for the strength to let go of our pride and let God's grace build us up into free men and women.
Praise God!
Josh, we all go through how you feel. At least I can say for myself la, I understand what you mean about not being present to people.
My faith life took a turn after the YISS in 2001. From 2001 to 2005, I guess I have been earnestly trying to follow, love and serve the way Jesus instructs us to. There were times when I was doing things sincerely, and there were times when I could be listening to someone but not actually being there. Many times, I do things for the sake of doing them, following my faith not outta of love but blindly following the rules.
Things became worse in 2005 when I felt I did not belong and in a way, I developed a deep sense of loneliness. I admit this loneliness drove me into a rather foolish and impatient decision to be involved with someone in a relationship and really took the toil on both of us because of the numerous emotional baggages I carried. I'm sure some of you have listened to my sobs and cries. Thanks! *hugs* In a way, this is all God's plan. Today I am more open to my weaknesses and my faults and failings. I guess I have learnt to be more human and to love and accept myself. I learn to be thankful for what I have rather than being resentful. Most importantly, I'm learning to be happy, to take things less seriously and to step out of my "I can't do this" or "I can't take this" whinings.
I do slide back into my shell and get sucked into what Shireen once mentioned - the black hole theory. I guess what jolted me was that it's God and God alone who can change and transform a rock solid heart to one that is beating because it's full of love.
Was watching this mime by ICPE. Should show you guys on my comp. I was very touched when this verse was sung.
And it's not by might
Not by power
But by My spirit says the Lord
This is my message today from Galatians Chap 5
'Freedom is what we have - Christ has set us free! Stand, then, as free people, and do not allow yourselves to become slaves again.'
May we pray for the strength to let go of our pride and let God's grace build us up into free men and women.
Praise God!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
The Trinity. But which three?
Jesus asked me if i have been faithful to him and been keeping his commandments. I gave a quick ans 'Yes' But the more i look deeper i realise that i have failed terribly... Love your God with all your HEART with all your soul and with all your might. The second love your neighbour as you love yourself.
I know i havent been loving wholeheartedly all along. And my love to others is limited and a very selfish one. With myself as priority and others as secondary. My sorrows my joys my struggles are of high importance. Others are only but theirs, non of my concern. I may go for sharings and heard peoples struggles but how often am i truely concern for these people. How often do i share in his or her sorrows and joys and being there for them. In my prayers daily, their names are mentioned. Not a single one left out, but of all of these names, how many have i truely cared for and for loved... To love is to give yourself wholeheartedly to others. Denying oneself for the love of others. To be compassionate and be sensitive to their feelings and always ready to go out of my way for them.
This pose a great challenge for me to love. Love that requires no expectation and no return and no reciprocation. A love not just extended to family but friends(for my case) and strangers even enemies! The love between the Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, is one of self sacrifice. But the love between me, myself and I ( my trinity) is one of selfish desires and self gratifications.
I begin my journey today renewed once again with the hope to love with all my heart. To love God so as to love neighbour. To love neighbour so as to love God. I pray that i will stop looking at my life as high importance but to be a slave of love, the love that brings hope to all of you my friends whom i call brothers and sisters.
josh
I know i havent been loving wholeheartedly all along. And my love to others is limited and a very selfish one. With myself as priority and others as secondary. My sorrows my joys my struggles are of high importance. Others are only but theirs, non of my concern. I may go for sharings and heard peoples struggles but how often am i truely concern for these people. How often do i share in his or her sorrows and joys and being there for them. In my prayers daily, their names are mentioned. Not a single one left out, but of all of these names, how many have i truely cared for and for loved... To love is to give yourself wholeheartedly to others. Denying oneself for the love of others. To be compassionate and be sensitive to their feelings and always ready to go out of my way for them.
This pose a great challenge for me to love. Love that requires no expectation and no return and no reciprocation. A love not just extended to family but friends(for my case) and strangers even enemies! The love between the Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, is one of self sacrifice. But the love between me, myself and I ( my trinity) is one of selfish desires and self gratifications.
I begin my journey today renewed once again with the hope to love with all my heart. To love God so as to love neighbour. To love neighbour so as to love God. I pray that i will stop looking at my life as high importance but to be a slave of love, the love that brings hope to all of you my friends whom i call brothers and sisters.
josh
Drama mama
Hello seedlings..
Yes I am back from a long time in Malaysia. Hope the people in Bangkok are having fun!
Anyway, just an idea.. Have been reading Acts recently because after Easter, mass readings are all from Acts. I just thought it would be pretty cool to have drama productions on bible stories or with underlying Christian message. It's just one of the creative ways of evangelising that can be pushed further in our community. Im not super psyched up for this but I think it's worth looking into.
This might be an idea that dies away or one that is fruitful. So if any of you guys have feedback or more bright sparks we can always talk about it. :)
Maybe we can learn the smooth moves from Avalon Testify to Love song.. hehe ;p
Yes I am back from a long time in Malaysia. Hope the people in Bangkok are having fun!
Anyway, just an idea.. Have been reading Acts recently because after Easter, mass readings are all from Acts. I just thought it would be pretty cool to have drama productions on bible stories or with underlying Christian message. It's just one of the creative ways of evangelising that can be pushed further in our community. Im not super psyched up for this but I think it's worth looking into.
This might be an idea that dies away or one that is fruitful. So if any of you guys have feedback or more bright sparks we can always talk about it. :)
Maybe we can learn the smooth moves from Avalon Testify to Love song.. hehe ;p
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
