Let all mortal flesh keep silence.

Hello! How come nobody blogging anything!?

Nevermind. I blog almost all the time anyway.. and I don't have exams, yet.

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Today at mass, the Communion Hymn was a very olde Greek hymn, called Let all mortal flesh keep silence.

Let all mortal flesh keep silence
and with fear and trembling stand,
ponder nothing earthly-minded:
for with blessing in his hand,
Christ our God on earth descendeth,
our full homage to demand.

So the story goes, things have not been going well recently, alot of confusion, questions, head/heart aches, and in general alot of restlessness.

Many evenings before retiring to bed, I found myself praying for a peaceful heart, to be able to tide over this period smoothly and comfortably and quickly enough to get back on my own feet and roam the world again.

Today at mass, this song provided me the opportunity, it was like saying to me, Be still! and know that I am here, keep your mind away from your earthly troubles! For when I have called your name, you are mine.

So often, when we have our little problems or when we end up in a knot we just wail WHy God! why!! And we so often seek things like peace and solace and graces from Him in order to tide us through. So often, we forget that the power and strength to overcome all these, is within us.

We already have encountered God in our personal and special ways, thats why we are here, in His Church. And by worshipping Him, I know that by His time, He will lead me away from my troubles.

So for now, things may seem alright, but I know that things will be eventually better, someday.

King of kings, yet born of Mary,
as of old on earth he stood.
Lord of Lords in human vesture
in the Body and the Blood.
He will give to all the faithful
His own Self for heavenly food.

Rank on rank the host of Heaven
spreads it vanguard on the way,
as the Light of Light descendeth
from the realms of endless day,
that the powers of hell may vanish
as the darkness clears away.

At his feet the six-winged Seraph;
Cherubim with sleepless eye,
veil their faces to the Presence,
as with ceaseless voice they cry,
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Alleluia! Lord most high.

You know you gotta help me out.

Hello everyone!

Hadn't read the blogs in a long time cus i was in Devon doing my mapping project for 1 week, and in some places of England, internet is more difficult to get then catching a leprechaun. It was quite good, other then the last 2 days where I found myself ravaged by the effects of being totally knackered, and also emotionally lopsidded becus of certain events that left me very drained and not a very happy geologist.

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I went for mass today, after missing mass last week because i was in Brixham, and I couldn't get to church because my transportation to my mapping and study location leaves at silly o'clock, and I don't return until sunset usually.

Then again, thinking back of the entire lent, I probably missed countless masses over the weeks of so called reflection.

The thing is, I struggled within myself to justify me missing mass because I spent many a weekend not in Manchester, and instead, am in some farm in the countryside approximately at least a 20 min drive from any kind of civilisation, don't even talk about church. I found it hard to reconcile my justification with my desire and passion, which was the country, nature, and rocks.

I found so slowly yet drastically being drawn into this abhoral vortex for the love of green, space, and soil, addicted and humbled by the vastness of a simple being in the eloquent rolling hills.

I could not see why I wanted to go for mass instead. Yet, I could not even believe myself trying to justify missing mass.

This sordid affair began shortly after Ash Wednesday.

Today, I went for mass. I went for it not because it was an obligation, but because there I was in this vastness experienced, I realised that I was in my very own way, worshiping the very same God that has created my experience, the beauty of this space, the very creation of nature, and the epitome of beauty. I cannot but feel sad that I felt this way knowing the doctrinal variation my new found beliefs posed.

Yet as human and at the same time divine as the celebration of the Holy Eucharist can be, I realised how much it meant to me to recognise the man in Christ that I did once fall madly head over heels with.

With the advent of events human and as uncontrolled as what I have experienced in the past week, I still feel the inevitable hunger for the loving graces of God.

I am but a feeble man, with nothing to offer, only my arms in upward supplication for His graces, and my tongue held in offering to sing His praises in eternity.

You know you gotta help me out.

The Four Wives

Harlow, been busy studying.... but just wanna tell ya guys a story....

Once upon a time, there was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He loved his 2nd wife, too. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!" Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart.

The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!"
The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave."

The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.
Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.
"The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

We all have 4 wives in our lives. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than wait until we're on our death bed to lament.

Hope this story inspires all of us in our journey of life. Reminding us yet again of what is truly important in our lives and to take stock of how each of us are leading our lives. You can either allow the situations of life to put you into perspective or you can put the situations in your life into perspective. Hope it makes sense. Pray.....

josh

Intercessory!

Life of faith and life of hope

Stressed over exams! cos i dun have time to finish what i need to study...hai sorry for not updating hee.... anyway since its overdue i have two short sharings hee...

Been struggling with my self-righteousness and my pride, esp when i talk to people in trying to challenge them. I am reminded today again during mass that affirmation was also very important in our 'fraternal corrections'. i realise i am very stingy with my words of encouragement and affirmations but very generous with reprimanding people in small of big ways...hai it is yet another call to peel off another layer of myself and so in my dying Christ may live in me.... I guess its that hope that we are called to bring so in words of affirmations and encouragements we bring hope to others...I pray that i may be humble in my words not to be a hypocrite but to be a Christian!


Second sharing its abt weaknesses.... You know i think the greatest struggle for one is the ability to accept ones weaknesses. We all have weaknesses but how many of us can accept them? I fear judgement from others and i am unable to accept my weakness and more so accept that the community still loves me for who i am. Very often, i struggle with the fact that i am imperfect ad that in community my imperfections become more evident and how i think that others cannot love me... But i know that to begin with, i cannot love myself.
Maybe when we have affirmation sessions, we shdn't jus say the good of others but also the weaknesses of others and also the acknowledgement that we are able to love and accept him or her for her weaknesses. I think that for me will be the greatest affirmation! The knowledge of being accepted! But i know i have to begin with loving me first.....Pray on my brothers and sisters! cut off from Jesus and we can do nothing.....

P.S: for any prayer intentions just email to the link on the blog and it will be lifted up during the intercessory every 1st and 3rd thurs of the month @830 in church. Join us pls!!!!!! we need support! hee

New!!

'He is risen'
http://www.heqigallery.com/index.htm

Alright, Melt reminded me to blog in this.

Today's Easter mass was really nice, children leading the way. All the lectors, wardens, psalmists became shorter and sweeter. And the homily was really simple. The whole point of easter is not about holidays, bunnies or eggs. It's about Jesus. It was a little toned down for the children, like watching a 'Hi-5!' show, but I think it's really impiortant even as 'adults' to come back to one simple reason for everything. Jesus. Name above all names.

The best part of the mass was when the children swarmed to the front after Father said they were distributing chocolates. Hehe.

Anyway, I read Catholic News and as usual, I head straight for my Father Rolheiser Column. His topic wsa on 'Overcoming Hypersensitivity'. It was a good article and I think people in our community are like this. Being humans, we are sensitive even when we put up front that we are not. Everyone bruises easily. Simply by not saying Hi or just the tone of your voice can reflect just how much you value a person or your conversation with him or her.

He speaks of a petty soul and a generous soul. One day you feel like Jesus, the next day you feel like Judas. It's confusing isn't it? The challenge he puts across is to overcome our hypersensitivity and see it as something to be converted from so that we can be resilient to absorb the bumps and bruises of verday living.

Quoting from Daniel Barrigan (dunno who this is), "If Jesus came back today he would go into every counselling office in the world and drive out both the doctors and their clients with the words, ' Take up your couch and walk! You don't have to be this sensitive!'".

In my life, I am seeking to be resilient in the little insults, negativities, insensitivities I face in my family, with my friends, in my work and sometimes even in my relationship. Becoming tougher does not necessarily mean becoming cynical and less compassionate. I think it's just another way for placing less focus on yourself and looking at the bigger picture in life. Life is new everyday when we choose to let our resentment flow away from us and appreciate the freshness of the air, the morning sunshine, the love shown to us in the smallest of ways.

Guess everyone in community is living more individual lives, which to me is inevitable since we are of an age that is making serious decisions with family, friends, career. But my hope is that we may take sometime to offer a listening ear to others, a warm smile to those who have been away. For us still buried in our graves, pray for the strength to rise again into the newness of life.

Alleluia!

Remembering what comes first.

Hello all!

Just returned from Maundy Thursday mass at church. It was a starkingly haunting and beautiful mass.

During Gloria acclamation, when the bells rung out, it felt so much like SFX when I had my eyes closed.. It was so strange.. I felt sooooooooooo home sick when that happened.. It was a terror. I thought I was going to die of homesickness. : (

Throughout mass, I couldn't help but think how evil my Lent has been.. Broken my abstinence, missed mass, whatever you can think of.. I probably did it (Ok. maybe not so bad). I felt really horrible thinking of how I have failed Jesus, and how I was such a failure in being a Catholic. Everything that has got to do with my spiritual life wasn't exactly going right.

Then, during Homily, Fr Ray spoke about the lenten season, on how this period is for us to renew our Baptismal vows, and remind ourselves of our connection with Christ.. THat this being the Jewish New Year (Passover), it should be ours too, to renew our faith in Christ, and also to rejuvenate ourselves for the coming year.

There and then, it was obvious that it was a call to throw embrace my faults and learn from them. How I turned away when I was called, how I so easily forgot the importance of it all. It was pretty surreal.

Then after Mass, when we had the exposition at the Altar of repose, I went over to kneel and pray. When i closed my eyes, I swear it felt as if I was back in SFX, exactly as it was 1 year ago. It was so strange. My back started aching like hell, it was going crazy with pain, just like it was 1 year ago. I couldn't concentrate while praying, and it was horrible. I closed my eyes, and very very strangely, I felt as if I had Jeannette sitting to my right, and Betty on my left, exactly as it was 1 year ago.. I couldn't pray, and I also couldn't cry. All I had was pain.

Then 6 words came. Be Still, and know that I'm there.

You tell me how to not cry.

I have a strong feeling its going to be a great easter.

My back still hurts like mad, and i've decided to go see a doctor on monday (finally!).

Faith of Convenience or Inconvenient Faith?

Yesterday as i was laying in bed half awake, it dawned unto me how my faith may be out of convenience, serving God out of comfort and only to a limit where i am willing to. I realise that doing things that follows the church's norm may not realise its fullness if there is not transformation taking place in our hearts.

Going for sunday mass, saying my prayers at night, going for daily mass. Going for a bible study class or sharing group. Maybe talking to people abt God, or helping the poor. These above mention is Good in nature and in fact what we all shd do. But the question is, are we feeling comfortable with doing all these and getting too used to them? Meaning, are these "stuff" we do just out of convenience, out of our own comforts or even habits?

What really struck me was that am i getting too comfortable?! What is an Inconvenient Faith then? It is a faith that rips us apart! tears our garments and kills us! haha sounds scary? An inconvenient faith is one that challenges us to do what we do out of our norms, and comforts. One that causes us to struggle in giving because its something that we are not willing to. Going out of our way for people, for service and for building God's Kingdom. Die to thy self so that we will rise with him. By dying, we lose ourselves so that Jesus will rise in us. Only then can transformation take place. I am sure we are very familiar with this phrase but how many of us "die" in our daily lifes?

Now the challenge i pose for myself this that if i get too comfortable with my life and with the things i do then there must be something wrong with my spiritual life. Either i am not growing or i am complacent. Maybe then my faith has been one of convenience after all....

josh

A different experience of reconciling my relationship with JESUS

Should I sound incoherent or don't make sense at any time, it's cos I'm writing this at work (yes, i shouldn't be doing so but the reports are boring me to tears!) and I need to be chop chop so I can get back to work heh.

Firstly, PRAISE GOD for shepherding us in our journey as community!!! How clearly I remember the time when MSC was facing a time of uncertainty: when our brothers and sister left (physically) to further build God's kingdom, when our place in the parish seemed precarious and when we seemed directionless. How God has led us to eventually forming a core team today... God is truly faithful and amazing!

Secondly, I think this blog is a good avenue for deeper sharing in our cell! Personally, I don't like the new arrangement where we've sharings on Sun before/after/during session... Not very conducive cos many a times I just want to rush through it or worst still not have sharing so we can all leave earlier! N everyone's so busy... Meeting up on another day to have our sharing isn't as feasible as THIS! Haha...

Thirdly (this is what I wanna share about actually), after going for Penetential last night, I felt a deep sense of calm and peace, light-heartedness, and was also reminded of God's compassion and love for me. You see, I've always struggled with going to priests whom I know or know me for confession. Somehow I consciously feel that they'll judge me and see me in a different light cos of my sins. I know they don't and won't but it's my own perception and I can't really help it... So last night when we couldn't really choose who we wanted to go to and the priests hearing confessions on my side were Fr Luke and Fr Bryan, I couldn't help but feel less eager to go up. And as I was queuing up, I secretly hoped I would end up at 2 the other 2 priests. But of course, like in previous expreiences, I'll always end up with who I don't want to go to! N once again, it was Fr Luke... But I praise and thank God for that experience becos through Fr Luke, I was shown of how compassionate God is! I can't really explain it but yes, God forgives and doesn't look at you in a different light no matter how far away we stray from him or how grave our mistakes may be. In the simple things that Fr. said, I was once again invited to be different. To be different from what the world deems as right or ok... It has been a long time since reconciliation was something really impactful in my walk. N in the final days leading to our Lord's passion, I'm heartened simply by the fact that this Lent was meaningful. Meaningful becos he gave me the chance to experience that intimate reconciliation with Him! Even though I wasn't in the desert with Jesus the past 40 days, I'm conforted that this Lent didn't just pass me by...

Thank you Jesus! =)

Church and Us?

Hello everybody! This is my first post! How exciting! I just got back to Manchester from visiting ENL in Helsinki.

It was a brilliant trip, can check out the pics on my blog when i'm sufficiently un-lazified to do something substantial.

There was some drama involved (as with every trip anyone in community takes) and well.. my drama was rather costly. Another story for another time. : (

Anyway.

Being away from community and everything, it really just emerges how easy peasy it is to stray so so so far away from God! Sunday Mass doesn't seem to take an important place in my weekly schedule, and well, praying. Don't even talk about it.

I still remember telling Kenny Seah dun worry, nothing will happen one.. everything will be the same. But its quite interesting to look in the mirror, and realize, how much I've changed in terms of my attitude towards God.

Now in this Holy week, I feel such a great sense of regret and desire for reconcilliation (i have no idea why, and i think its strange). But i don't know how long will it last before I slip so easily and comfortably into the abyss of this self-proclaimed secular nation which abandoned God. Which I suspect could well be soon.

So as i journey, alone in this wilderness for the next 6 days, the final sprint, the final hike, and the final burst, pray for all those without support and are struggling alone wherever they are. Those who cannot be reached by the ailing grasp of the church, and those who are slipping away.

Lent for me.. will always be a painful reminder of our own human mortality built on the slender supplication of His salvation. What are we, without Him?

I crave chye tao kuey. someone tah pao for me. please?

Holy Week!

I can't believe its Holy Week already. I shared that I struggle to be indifferent to Lent, and Holy week is no different I mean, it comes every year doesn't it? And we're going to watch The Passion. Again. I admit I wasn't all that excited hearing about our Holy week plans.

I pick up on what Colin said, that he believed that every time we watch it, we gain new insights from it. I was reading a friend's blog about how he feels that time and memories are just moving in a flux, and if we don't grab on to them, we'll miss it.

This ancient greek dude called Herodotus once said: "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man".

Are we ever the same person twice? Brings to mind the song "Who Am I":

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.

I pray I don't let Holy week pass me by without me challenging myself to grow deeper in love.

Melt.

the me within me

Today i have passed a comment that was totally uncalled for. I has i think back about it, i realised how insensitive and arrogant i am. Pride and self-righteousness are my greatest struggles and how hard I try to lost them, it remains in me. And i realise the more i get in touch in myself the more i realise how dirty and ugly i am inside of me. I try and try but they remain there. I dislike the loud, insensitive and uncompassionate joshua. I cant seem to lose them even as i try to offer them up to Jesus. Jesus help me!!!!!! i wanna abandon myself! Troubled, i pray that i may lose myself and find Jesus in me.

josh

Holiness is in living an ordinary life, in a community of fellow-disciples, with extraordinary love

This time tmr, MSC will officially have embarked on a new chapter of our community living. Many of us are still in some way or another unsure or hesitant of the way of life in community. For some we might have forgotten what it means to be living in community. For others, we are still very much in the introduction stage or trying to grapple with this new way of life. Whatever stage we are at right now, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because Jesus comes and take us where we are! Thats the beauty of our God!

And without this Jesus, nothing can sustain us, not even this new core team! The core team will still be another committee. Therefore it is only when each our us SEEDLINGS take God seriously in our lifes, no conversion can take place in our hearts! And this really calls for a life of holiness that we all are called to seek!

Right now it really scares me how tough it is to be Holy. I know that with God's strength it is never impossible. But God's graces can only take place if we response to it. Today, i it really dawned unto me that i really need Jesus, and i really need to pray! Cos the moment i lose sight of him, i begin to compromise and every little bit, i allow myself to fall into sin. Bit by bit, little by little, i have compromise a big part of me. And after time i begin to lose every part of myself. Thats exactly what is happening to the world today, and very evident in MSC too. Brothers and sisters be constantly on your toes for you will not know the hour when the theft will come and steal from you.

josh